ABC’s new Stage 9 Digital Media production house just landed with a splat.
The Disney-ABC TV group’s first project for online video distribution is a piece of crap called “Squeegees.” The comic webisodes featuring the misadventures of dudes who wash skyscraper windows can be found lurking abc.com and YouTube.
The segments run for an eternity of about 4 or 5 minutes, proving Einstein’s relativity applies to entertainment.
Man, those execs must have been in stitches when when our heroes dumped broken glass in the snow cones. Or when the naked window washer shared his package with a bunch of children. (OK, to be fair, there were exactly two laughs in the first three episodes.)
ABC clearly feels the audience it finds via the Internet is significantly dumber than the one it serves on network television. The suits should be forced to run “Squeegees” as a series of primetime shorts, see how that goes over with the Emmy voters.
Hell, they might be open to that. Here’s the Stage 9 frontman, an Oscar winner for some short film, on the dawn of “Squeegees” — “Finally, ABC.com continues its visionary efforts in expanding its brand on-line.”
Suddenly, “Quarterlife” feels like “The Magnificent Ambersons.”
The Bottom line: Yeeech. Maybe I’m too old and cranky. Take a whiff and judge for yourself.